text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

Hello.

My name is Alan Wake - if you have seen someone here before me who has said that he is Alan Wake, he is lying. That man is not human, he is a being of darkness made real in my image. It's a long story.

Do NOT trust him. He is dangerous. He has hurt people before and I don't doubt he'll do it again.

Comments

[pythianwoman]

So you jump through hoops and mind the frankly ridiculous rules and bite your tongue when you have to fill out paperwork regarding your misuse of bar utensils.

[That’s AWFUL, Alan. But she’s also laughing at it.]

And the people who never minded how Captain Crunch cut their mouth.

[drowningman]

Inevitably, you end up on suspension because "you misfiled the paperwork" - but you didn't and it's just someone higher up the ladder with a grudge getting on your case. Again.

Oh no... I'm one of those people...

[pythianwoman]

And then you get stuck back in MORE TRAINING. That goes about as well as the first three rounds did because nothing's changed.

Oh no. Alan, no. Say it ain’t so, Alan.

[drowningman]

They remove all the beer bottles from the bar training area, but that doesn't stop you because you snap a pool cue over your knee and use that instead. They pull you aside again, but you say "Hey - What if I was fighting a vampire?" because it's a reasonable defense. They scoff because that's what bureaucrats do.

It helps me wake up when I'm tired or hungover. Or both.