text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

Hello.

My name is Alan Wake - if you have seen someone here before me who has said that he is Alan Wake, he is lying. That man is not human, he is a being of darkness made real in my image. It's a long story.

Do NOT trust him. He is dangerous. He has hurt people before and I don't doubt he'll do it again.

Comments

Text | un: suddenstop

[tolduimapsycho]

[God DAMN it.]

Hey, what the fuck?????

Who the hell are you???? Are you trying to steal my identity or something????????

text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

[oh woooooow, "suddenstop" - how cute.]

Hey, what the fuck yourself.

I'm Alan Wake.

[tolduimapsycho]

[Yeah? Tumblr called. It wants its dated username back.]

No, buddy, you're not. I'm Alan Wake. I don't even have to call myself the 'real' one, come the fuck on.

You crazy superfans are all the same, knock it off and quit being a creep, huh?

text. username: Πυθία

[pythianwoman]

[BOY life sure got real fucking wild all of a sudden, didn't it. It's good to have her friend back, though, even if he doesn't remember her or their friendship. That's all right. They'll just have to start over again.]

Yeah. He's... been running around using your name from the moment he arrived. Being an asshole.

[Trying to kill her. You know. Little things.]

[drowningman]

Great. :/

They say if you get a job doing what you love you'll never work a day in your life, and he is a professional asshole.

So I guess I can't be that surprised.

[Classic Scratch.]

[pythianwoman]

I called him on his bullshit. But he's not let THAT stop him any.

He is IMMENSELY skilled at it.

And it sort of cranks up to eleven when he's drunk and depowered.

text | un: realbrucewayne (☑)

[menarebrave]

It could be more convincing if you were verified on the network.

Or, maybe be a bit more specific about what your body double might do.

[drowningman]

Oh, yeah, I'll get right on putting in my application to get verified. Definitely more important than telling people to avoid my murderous doppelganger. :)

[menarebrave]

It was just a suggestion.

Most people may not believe you about a murderous doppelganger. Especially if he arrived here first. So, it might be best if you can give us some details on how to tell the two of you apart. Besides the obvious description of "murder."

text | un: fadenout

[outlierdirector]

Alright, sure. I'll bite.

What makes you the real Alan Wake?

[ 'This almost feels like it should be a song. Will the real Alan Wake please stand up...' Jesse just shakes her head. ]

[drowningman]

You'll never see Mister Scratch wearing elbow patches by choice, for one.

[afraidofthedark]

[Is Alice involved in the text conversations at all? Not really, beyond being an observer as her husband texts away. No, she's quite content to remained cuddled up together with him while he gets angry on the internet. In fact, she's probably not leaving his side for a long time.

Not when she's just gotten him BACK.]

[drowningman]

[An oasis in a desert of Scratch pretending to be Alan online, truly.]

text | un: drdarling

[dynamitedarling]

...Alan Wake?

Really?

[drowningman]

Yeah.

Do you want an autograph?

Text; un: Mysterio

[makeanentrance]

Being of darkness? Are you talking about a demonic entity?

[drowningman]

Sort of? It's more like Stephen King's The Dark Half if you're familiar with it. I wouldn't call the place Scratch was born "Hell."

text; un: dagger

[crazy_white_girl]

I don't know if I have seen either one of you but what kind of being of darkness is he?

[drowningman]

Do you know what a simulacrum is? He's like that but the copy of me is made of sentient shadows given a physical form.

text un: tmercer (☑)

[havenomercy]

Say I have met him. What makes you more believable?

[drowningman]

I didn't ask where to buy sunglasses first thing here, for one. He also tried to kill someone who works at one of the bars here before I arrived. You can take her word for it.

text | un: originaltrickster

[morethanatrickster]

Oh and you have the "realalanwake" username to prove your claim! Good show! You're missing the ✔️ though. I believe that verifies your claim.

[drowningman]

Nice catch! You got me, I'm actually the fake.

UN: punsintended | Text.

[babyavenger]

oh great.

perfect.

more reason to be constantly vigilant.

[drowningman]

If I could write him out of reality I would.

No one knows how much it sucks that he exists better than me.