text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

Hello.

My name is Alan Wake - if you have seen someone here before me who has said that he is Alan Wake, he is lying. That man is not human, he is a being of darkness made real in my image. It's a long story.

Do NOT trust him. He is dangerous. He has hurt people before and I don't doubt he'll do it again.

Comments

Text | un: suddenstop

[tolduimapsycho]

[God DAMN it.]

Hey, what the fuck?????

Who the hell are you???? Are you trying to steal my identity or something????????

text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

[oh woooooow, "suddenstop" - how cute.]

Hey, what the fuck yourself.

I'm Alan Wake.

text. username: Πυθία

[pythianwoman]

[BOY life sure got real fucking wild all of a sudden, didn't it. It's good to have her friend back, though, even if he doesn't remember her or their friendship. That's all right. They'll just have to start over again.]

Yeah. He's... been running around using your name from the moment he arrived. Being an asshole.

[Trying to kill her. You know. Little things.]

[tolduimapsycho]

[Yeah? Tumblr called. It wants its dated username back.]

No, buddy, you're not. I'm Alan Wake. I don't even have to call myself the 'real' one, come the fuck on.

You crazy superfans are all the same, knock it off and quit being a creep, huh?

[drowningman]

[Excuse me, it's his instragram handle and it is verified and he posts overprocessed pics of alice and his coffee on there.]

Alright, if we're playing that game then I guess I'm Mister Scratch now.

Hey nerds, here's my knife collection. This one is my favorite because it's great for stabbing people. :)

text | un: realbrucewayne (☑)

[menarebrave]

It could be more convincing if you were verified on the network.

Or, maybe be a bit more specific about what your body double might do.

text | un: fadenout

[outlierdirector]

Alright, sure. I'll bite.

What makes you the real Alan Wake?

[ 'This almost feels like it should be a song. Will the real Alan Wake please stand up...' Jesse just shakes her head. ]

[drowningman]

Great. :/

They say if you get a job doing what you love you'll never work a day in your life, and he is a professional asshole.

So I guess I can't be that surprised.

[Classic Scratch.]

Momentary Video

[tolduimapsycho]

[There is a video posted in response to this - it's just 'Alan Wake' himself, looking something like horrified, staring straight into the camera.]

Everyone, did you see that? He's trying to trick you all. That's EXACTLY what Mister Scratch would say.

This is serious. He's a hedonistic psychopath wearing my face. Badly.

Be careful.

[The feed cuts just before he cracks up laughing.]

[drowningman]

Oh, yeah, I'll get right on putting in my application to get verified. Definitely more important than telling people to avoid my murderous doppelganger. :)

[drowningman]

You'll never see Mister Scratch wearing elbow patches by choice, for one.

[afraidofthedark]

[Is Alice involved in the text conversations at all? Not really, beyond being an observer as her husband texts away. No, she's quite content to remained cuddled up together with him while he gets angry on the internet. In fact, she's probably not leaving his side for a long time.

Not when she's just gotten him BACK.]

[pythianwoman]

I called him on his bullshit. But he's not let THAT stop him any.

He is IMMENSELY skilled at it.

And it sort of cranks up to eleven when he's drunk and depowered.

[menarebrave]

It was just a suggestion.

Most people may not believe you about a murderous doppelganger. Especially if he arrived here first. So, it might be best if you can give us some details on how to tell the two of you apart. Besides the obvious description of "murder."

text then video

[drowningman]

Nice impression, you facetious asshole.

[Alan is staring at his phone in frustration. Yes, he's giving the short version and not a lot of answers but giving too much information can also work against you. And now, definitely, he has to deal with this guy being here and all that brings.

He turns on the video, and it's the same face as Scratch but looking a bit more tired and definitely more unkempt - longer beard and longer, shaggy hair. Despite looking like he hasn't slept in, well, ten years, his voice is certain.]

If you don't trust me either, that's fine. I would rather residents distrust both of us than trust my double at all.

If you have a light source: your phone flash, a flashlight, you have magic light powers - whatever -, shine it if you see either of us and pay attention to the reaction.

Also if I smile, it's probably not me - it's him.

text | un: drdarling

[dynamitedarling]

...Alan Wake?

Really?

[outlierdirector]

Okay. No elbow patches. What about a beard?

[ Might as well see what information she can lightly prod out of things. Given "Alan Wake" didn't recognize her... ]

Back to Video

[tolduimapsycho]

[And the feed clicks on again. Another oh-so-serious look at the camera.]

See? I told you. He wears my face really badly.

God, shave, at least. Take a shower.

Oh wait - I get it. You're supposed to represent all the worst parts of me. It makes sense now that you've let yourself go.

[drowningman]

I've reflected on my own character thoroughly and I don't know where he gets it from. Oh right, the colossal asshole I used to be before all of this. Can't believe my own hubris has manifested in this way to be my downfall.

Also, sorry you had to deal with him like that.

[drowningman]

Unfortunately, he looks just like me. He was made to fill the hole I left in the world when I sacrificed myself to The Dark Place to save my wife. The only way to tell if it's him is to pay attention to his behavior and listen to your gut. Being around the Darkness tends to make the skin crawl, maybe you'll feel cold, or you'll get an upset stomach.

He's become an exaggeration of every bad rumor and tabloid written about me. Scratch is confident to the point of arrogance, aggressive, and has taken advantage of my previous habits to be a reckless party boy.

[menarebrave]

[ Bruce blinks at all that as he reads it on the phone. Well, it's no crazier than rainfall that speeds up time and entities that cause extinction. Or the fact that aliens came from another world and leveled an entire city. So, why the hell not? ]

And I'm guessing this Darkness you mean is different from if I turn the light on and off in the bathroom?

I don't suppose calling someone "rent-a-cop" would fit in that description.

[drowningman]

Yeah. He has a short well-groomed beard.

[He stops writing his message and stares at the username. It takes a moment to click but when it does, it does. And then he wonders how the FBC is handling their director going missing.]

I hope Hartman wasn't too much trouble for you.

[drowningman]

[An oasis in a desert of Scratch pretending to be Alan online, truly.]

[drowningman]

Yeah.

Do you want an autograph?

[dynamitedarling]

Ah.

Yes, actually, but perhaps at another time - I'm more interested in a conversation, when you are available.