text; un: realalanwake

[drowningman]

Hello.

My name is Alan Wake - if you have seen someone here before me who has said that he is Alan Wake, he is lying. That man is not human, he is a being of darkness made real in my image. It's a long story.

Do NOT trust him. He is dangerous. He has hurt people before and I don't doubt he'll do it again.

Comments

[drowningman]

Unless the Darkness in your bathroom is sentient, malevolent, able to possess people, and throws your shaving cream and loose toilet paper at you with 50 pound force? Yeah. It's different.

And I dunno, maybe. Did you say something that would get you called a "rent-a-cop"?

[menarebrave]

Now that you mention it? I haven't bothered to try if it can. That might be worth looking into.

[ Or if anything, something for Mr. Paranoid to be aware of. ]

Your doppleganger doesn't like questions being asked about his person.

[drowningman]

Perfect way to spend a Saturday night. :) [Alan can't be sure if realbrucewayne ☑ is taking him seriously or kidding around at this point, so his response is very sarcastic as a result.]

I wonder where he could have gotten it from... My extreme dislike of people invading my privacy and twisting things for the media...? Sounds like something another well-renowned person could probably relate to, but I could be talking out of my ass about that.

[menarebrave]

[ Surprisingly, it's very serious. ]

I can think of better ways to spend it. That doesn't mean it doesn't need to be investigated.

Trust me, I understand a few things about the media twisting things. The key is to set things up so they fall into the traps you want them. That's the only way to make it so any PR is good PR.

[drowningman]

Tuesday then?

Sorry, I must have missed that marketing seminar. Too busy partying and punching paparazzi in the face.

[menarebrave]

I can think of a few paparazzi that would deserve it. I may have crashed one or two fancy cars just to get their attention off of me and more onto the car.

[ That, however, might be bad PR. ]

[drowningman]

Oh no! Those poor sports cars!

[menarebrave]

They're really not all they're made out to be. I prefer my Austin.