drowningman: (alone in my own wake)
Alan Wake ([personal profile] drowningman) wrote in [community profile] fluxnet2021-07-04 10:07 pm
  • Add Memory
  • Share This Entry
Entry tags:

text; un: realalanwake

Hello.

My name is Alan Wake - if you have seen someone here before me who has said that he is Alan Wake, he is lying. That man is not human, he is a being of darkness made real in my image. It's a long story.

Do NOT trust him. He is dangerous. He has hurt people before and I don't doubt he'll do it again.
Flat | Top-Level Comments Only
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Say whaaaat?)

Likewise back to text

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 08:17 am (UTC)(link)
Exactly!

You're trying to get me in trouble with Alice, aren't you? Is there no low you won't stoop to? Is nothing sacred to you, Scratch?
drowningman: (can't you see the play he's staging?)

my keywords have never been more perfect

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 08:50 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, you're never gonna give this up are you? Alright fine.

Hey, Alan Wake. I'll tell you what I thought of your books, honestly. From a fan to you.

You're a hack. An absolute joke. What's the deal with your sentence structure? And your metaphors are way too dramatic. Have you ever heard about subtext, because I feel like the sexual tension between Alex Casey and his ten different love interests would have, you know, ACTUALLY been sexual tension if you did.
Edited 2021-07-05 08:50 (UTC)
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Ain't I a stinker?)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 09:24 am (UTC)(link)
[Well played, Alan. Roasting yourself is fucking hilarious, but Scratch is definitely not giving up, you're right.]

You can't touch me, Scratch. You're here to make me doubt myself. You're not even convincing talking to me as a 'fan.'

Ow, oh no, I'm wounded. I've never had a bad review before! My career is oooover.

Get a grip, Alan Fake.
drowningman: it's an ocean (Default)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 09:27 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, you really got me there. Ouch. How long did it take you to come up with that, ten years?
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (My sweet wheels.)

the petty levels are off the charts

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 09:33 am (UTC)(link)
Nah. That would require me to have thought about you at all during that time.
drowningman: (so many times this story has been told)

concept: a reality tv show but it's just them locked in a room together

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 09:50 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, you're right. Thinking that long would be too hard for you.
Edited 2021-07-05 09:52 (UTC)
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (HELLO WORLD!)

I'd watch it

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 09:56 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, OUCH.

What do you want me to say back? 'I am rubber and you are glue'? Are you nine years old?
drowningman: (alone in my own wake)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 10:08 am (UTC)(link)
Well if that's the best you can come up with. Makes me wonder how you had a best-selling book series though.

Did you have a ghost writer? If so, maybe you should have them pen your insults for you.
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Tall dark and BETTER THAN YOU.)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 10:11 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, that's rich.

I was just trying to match your energy. But I guess I shouldn't be shocked, you were created to troll people, not to be likeable.

Don't you have a motel to be desperate in somewhere?
drowningman: (wake up and smell the danger)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 10:23 am (UTC)(link)
If I have a motel to be desperate in then that would mean that I'm the real Alan Wake, wouldn't it?
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Say whaaaat?)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 10:43 am (UTC)(link)
What?

Elaborate on that.
drowningman: (ever the light casts a shadow)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 10:48 am (UTC)(link)
"Elaborate on that." What are you, Alan Wake the therapist now?
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Oh...be still my heart.)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 10:52 am (UTC)(link)
I mean, if you can't answer me, that's fine.

Goes to show that you're not very creative though, huh?
drowningman: (can't you see the play he's staging?)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 10:58 am (UTC)(link)
[If Alan wasn't annoyed before, he definitely is now.]

I can answer you. How do you even know about the motel anyway?
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Ain't I a stinker?)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 10:59 am (UTC)(link)
How do YOU know about the motel?
drowningman: (can't you see the play he's staging?)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 11:04 am (UTC)(link)
Because I've BEEN THERE. You've been parading about Who-knows-where, America hurting people and tormenting my wife.
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Oh. Shit.)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
Oh god, there it is.

You MURDERED people in that motel, didn't you? On video, you sicko.
drowningman: (wake up and smell the danger)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 11:07 am (UTC)(link)
No. Not that motel - That was YOU.

I've been at a different motel.

Unless, let me guess, you were also there killing people so you can frame me as a murderer.
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Oh...be still my heart.)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 11:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh my god.

What other motel?

You were murdering people at ANOTHER MOTEL?
drowningman: you'll find peace (when balance slays the demon)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 11:09 am (UTC)(link)
NO.

I hate you so much.
Edited 2021-07-05 11:09 (UTC)
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Ain't I a stinker?)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 11:10 am (UTC)(link)
Of course.

That's what you were made for, Mister Scratch.
drowningman: (it's never just the dark you seek)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 11:24 am (UTC)(link)
Oh.

Oh wow.

You don't even know why you were created? You think you were made to hate me?

I feel so bad for you.
tolduimapsycho: by assbanditkirk (Fuck you.)

[personal profile] tolduimapsycho 2021-07-05 11:26 am (UTC)(link)
I mean, I don't imagine that was the sole reason for your creation.

You were probably also meant to foment dissent and make people not trust me.

Oh. Sorry. Should I use smaller words?

u r to hate me and make ppl hate me omgwtfbbq
drowningman: he wanders (under the dark ocean's shadows)

[personal profile] drowningman 2021-07-05 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
You want to be Alan Wake so bad that you won't let this charade go? Fine. Have fun. It's a miserable existence and I hope you enjoy it.

Just thought you'd, I don't know, have more fun being liberated from pretending to be me especially since my status has no actual value here.

But hey, it's your life.
Edited 2021-07-05 11:35 (UTC)
afraidofthedark: (Default)

Over on Alan's side of the conversation.

[personal profile] afraidofthedark 2021-07-05 11:54 am (UTC)(link)
[Okay wow this... has been going on for a while, between the two of them. Alice hasn't caught everything, but cuddled up beside him as she is, she's caught enough. And she thinks a break. Might be a good idea.

So she leans in, gently slipping between him and the phone a little, and cups his cheek with her hand. Looking at him warmly. And a little amused. Before leaning in to kiss him gently. Kissing her husband whenever she wants is a novelty she has been missing for... a long time.

Which is why she does it again. And again.

(She's just been missing ALAN. And to have him near her again is the best gift she could have been given.)]

Maybe you should put the phone down for a little bit. He's not going anywhere.

[Literally. They're all living in the same place.]
Flat | Top-Level Comments Only